July 25, 2008
Filed Under (The Happy Sad Things) by svana

About five months ago, while surfing rather haphazardly at the start of my day, I found Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture”. Unless you have been living under a rock, are comatose, or are a hardcore geek; you’ve at least *heard* about the good Professor’s lecture.

With luck, you will have taken away a few warm fuzzy thoughts, been jolted awake, or simply marveled at this man’s courage, awareness and forethought. If you are a cold hearted individual, you will simply dismiss this lecture as a Hallmark moment and move on. That would, of course, be your prerogative. I would say it is my prerogative to call you a soulless shell.

Moving on….

I was looking at abc.com this morning and saw the breaking news banner announcing that the good Professor had passed. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I could not help but cry and feel cheated that the Universe didn’t provide the miracle that I had so heartily hoped for.

It is odd, really. I didn’t know him, but his lecture and book stuck in my head. More specifically, his admonition to live your childhood dreams. I could not figure out why one man’s death had affected me to such a degree. In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m not a big crying fan. Sure it happens, but not frequently, and certainly not for a man I do not know.

Watching my nine year old daughter bounce up the street, resplendent in pink, and carefree as only nine year old girls can be….it dawned on me. Like a sledgehammer to my wee cranium, wielded by a demented rabbit, awareness was upon me.

I hate it when that happens.

My childhood, or lack thereof, was not a good one. So, my twisted logic demanded Randy Pausch receive his miracle so I could start to dream all the dreams that I never dreamed as a child, there would be hope for me too. My only dream growing up was that I would make it out of my childhood alive. Well now…doesn’t that sound dramatic? Unfortunately though, very accurate and true…but enough of that.

To Randy Pausch, I tip my hat. I thank him for his courage, joy and the lesson that he brought to me, to get busy dreaming.

To his wife, Jai, who displayed such grace and courage, I thank for putting into words what I failed to articulate about my own husband. “If you die, the magic will die too”

I understand that statement right to the tips of my frog-like toes.

To his children, Dylan, Logan and Chloe, all the blessings this world can convey in the face of their loss.

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