February 07, 2009
Filed Under (HUH?, You are really pissing me off) by svana

I read a column in the Globe and Mail recently that left my jaw on the floor, and me speechless…which doesn’t happen often. When the inability to articulate hits me it’s usually followed by a very loud tirade filled with expletives. Funnily enough, it was the comments posted by the other readers that made me the most furious. Since everyone has an asshole and an opinion, I’ll toss my ass into the ring right along with my opinion.

The column was about a man who decided not to have a vasectomy, he chickened out. Normally this wouldn’t be a big issue, but he and his wife conceived after he was supposed to have had his vasectomy and have three kids already…hence the need for a vasectomy. After lying to his wife, knocking her up, looking at a termination of the pregnancy, living on a shoestring…he’s trying to figure out how to smooth things over.

Thus began a great debate in the comments section about how a woman has too much control over a man’s testicles. This is where the men were showing their assholes….or ass-like tendencies, cupping their hands over their crotches and running in the opposite direction. Even more disturbing is when a woman would point out how little men go through physically as compared to women and the comments that follow all brand the woman as cold and unfeeling.

To be fair, not all the men posting comments were big phobic babies. There were some real men posting very thoughtful and compassionate responses to the article. To you guys, I say a huge Thank You!! You are the few, the brave…the snipped. There is a true sense of honour to how you present your points and all the bonuses of why you opted for getting a vasectomy. The nicest comment I read was, “She had the babies…it was the least I could do”.

There were men who gave the following excuses as to why they felt they shouldn’t get snipped, I’ve provided my responses below with input from my husband.

What if we get divorced and I want to have children with someone else?

Why are you even married? While everything does change, if you are always looking for a back door when life doesn’t work out the way you hope…you’ll never get anything done. This applies to everything in your life, not just the crochet hook poised under your precious ball sack.

If my wife doesn’t want anymore kids, she can get fixed, not me!

OK, fair enough. Lets just compare the procedures for a second. With a vasectomy, you get a local anaesthetic, a half centimetre incision and get to sit on a bag of peas for two days. With a tubal ligation, your wife/partner gets put under general anaesthetic, two incisions are made through abdominal muscle and the recovery is significantly longer for many reasons. Let’s make the procedures equal, shall we? Instead of your wee incision, we’ll find a way to get at things the hard way. Armed with a laprascope and plenty of carbon dioxide (to inflate you), I’m sure we can make a 20 minute procedure into a day long event that will be considerably more uncomfortable and have a more significant recovery period…but hey…your balls will be scar free and unscathed, but…you remember that erectile tissue you used to have? We had to cut that out of the way :)

You can’t touch “my boys”!!

Oh for heavens sake. Get over it. That’s from my husband who has had a vasectomy…and now enjoys a much more liberating sex life with yours truly. If you can’t stand up and be a man, you shouldn’t be able to have use of the equipment that comes with the “package”. Just for the record, I offered to get the tubal ligation, my husband opted for the vasectomy because it was easier. Couple that with the fact that another pregnancy would have killed me, my marvellous husband got up on to the table and took one for the team. I was with him the whole way along, holding his hand and making him laugh…just as he did with me for the delivery of our daughter. No, he is not a wuss. It was important to me that I be there to support him, and the fact that he needed someone to sign him out after it was done.

Having addressed the top 3, I’d like to take a moment to address the gent who made a completely selfish decision and point out a few truths as I know them.

1) Never ever lie to your spouse about something that will affect your relationship so profoundly. It’s not you who has to face the termination of a pregnancy, it’s her. Despite how much discussion that may go into the decision making, she will have to bear that burden for the rest of her life. Can you imagine looking at any one of the three children you have grown in your body and know that you had to end the life of a fourth? I can imagine nothing more heartbreaking for a mom. As a man, you will never, ever, understand the desolation of a pregnancy lost…voluntary or not.

2) Bag it, dumbass! You have heard about condoms…right? If you gave one damn about your wife, you should have either stepped up and been honest, or protected her from your unilateral decision. It’s that simple.

3) You should not be married. If you don’t have the honesty to face your wife and tell her before the damage is done, you have no right to be in that relationship. Clearly, your testicles are far more valuable to you than the world that you have built with this woman. I know it has been proven that there is a universal male directive to spread your seed and procreate. Any asshole can get a woman knocked up, it takes real guts to be a father and husband. Seeing how you treat your wife, I now wonder how you treat your children.

Leave a Reply